There are people who hate being alone, and there are people who hate being with people. Both can be problematic.
Benefits of Being Social and Being Alone
Being with others allows you to see life through someone else’s lenses. You get to know them, and also get to see yourself through their angle and know yourself better.
Being with others is also a way to distract yourself from your own movie and participate in their movie for a while. Sometimes it’s nice to make a movie together and experience something you can’t do alone.
On the other hand, when you’re by yourself, you get to hear your thoughts more clearly and come to conclusions without outside input that might not align with your true desires or who you are. You get to act naturally and make choices according to your authentic self without judgment and influence from other people.
Aversion to Harmless Circumstances
Socializing and being in solitude are actually harmless situations in and of themselves, and having an aversion to either one of them simply makes life harder than it has to be.
Aversion to harmless circumstances creates too many opportunities for misery. Unless it’s a potentially dangerous situation, both knowing how to be social and knowing how to be alone are good skills to have.
Finding joy in existence itself is the answer to becoming less averse to social situations. What is existence? It is life. It is just knowing you are. Find inspiration, peace, love, delight, or simple appreciation in that. And carry that with you in all social situations. See the same existence you appreciate in others. See the common thread of being. If you are not averse to your beingness, you aren’t averse to their beingness. You can more easily bring your beingness with theirs!
Remember also, that wherever you are on earth, there are billions of people around you. Sure, inside your house when you’re alone, you can’t see all those people. But turn on the television, they are there. It’s a matter of perspective. A pilot flying above your house can see your neighbors mowing their lawn and people walking about the next street and town over. You’re never totally alone.
Don’t forget that the “you” that you prefer to be with is always with you. You can’t lose it no matter how many people are around you. Find that joy it gives you and relax into it.
For the Solitude-Averse
Likewise, when people hate being alone and constantly seek others to be with and do things with, they believe someone else holds the key to their happiness. Perhaps they can’t imagine their kids growing up and leaving home. Perhaps the thought of losing their partner fills them with anxiety and fear. Constantly seeking the company of others just to avoid being alone takes away opportunities to discover inner qualities that others can’t offer them. Or they believe that taking on the input and drama of others helps to divert attention from their own problems.
Who is that self that is so scary, horrible, or boring to be with?
If someone who hates being alone can find the curiosity to get to know himself or herself little by little, a whole fascinating journey could open up. Yes, there might be some scary things to look at, but when dealt with, perhaps they will cease to be as scary as previously imagined. A golden opportunity would begin.
When you’re enjoying life itself, aversion to socializing or being in solitude is gone. It’s best not to be averse to either one, and be adept at both.